Fear

I frequently experience a feeling that can only be described as fear. For me the things I fear will not harm me physically like snakes or tornados, but they make me uneasy and its the way they make me feel that I fear the most. I am afraid of holes/dots. Not dots on a ladybug, or craters on the moon. Its very hard to explain, and when I try to people tend to laugh. The fear is called trypophobia. If you were to google this fear you'll see pictures of a lotus flower or a frog that places its eggs on its back under its skin, and when they hatch they create really disgusting holes. The miracle of life never made me so afraid. The feeling i get cant be explained either. i get itchy. thats the best way i can put it. i get itchy all over and the only way to make me feel any better is to scratch- like mad. thinking about this is making me squeamish, so ill change the subject. im afraid of death, all aspects of it. dying,afterlife,what will happen to my remains, did i live a good life, will i die young. it all freaks me out. the strangest part of it all is that death fascinates me. i read about it. ways famous people died, theories on what is "beyond the grave", murderers, unusual deaths. it fascinates me just as much as life, and in a way i am afraid of living too. i cant say i am afraid of an object. certain things disgust me but i wouldnt say they affect me psychologically. i used to be afraid of roaches. i hated the little buggers and the hot humid conditions of new orleans made it a roach nesting ground. this may sound gross but once i built up the courage to smash a few i was a killing machine and now i dont run (unless the vermin can fly then so will i- in the opposite direction)